First, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. Reading your perspectives—supportive, critical, and everything in between—really helped me feel less alone during what’s been one of the worst emotional rollercoaster of my life.
I went back home because I missed the kids, I can barely spend a day with out them, I feel so pathetic just sitting here doing nothing so I’m staying to see my kids nothing else and I’m glad I did because it got worse, he cheated more than that one time he wasn’t even going to admit it. I went through his phone (I know it’s bad but I was trying to make sure and I’m glad I did I saw messages between him and the same girl from before, him telling her about what happens in our relationship asking what to do and the worst part, the pictures so many pictures (NSFW), him and her trying to come up with excuses to see each other like him saying he has to work late, family emergency’s and saying he’ll say he’s going to get food for us to f**k her. she never moved, he lied, I’m so tired of the lies, I’m trying to not act upset I’m trying to act like everything is fine, I don’t want to leave my kids, I’m telling him I’m sick and don’t want to spread it to him as an excuse to sleep in the guest room.
But there were also weird financial transfers in his banking app around the times they met up, small cash withdrawals, cryptic messages about ‘the usual’ or ‘the arrangement.’ It wasn’t just about sex; there was something else going on, something hidden, maybe even a secret child or a debt he was paying her or someone through her.
I asked my cousin for a good divorce lawyer (she got divorced under the same circumstances) I am going to see her lawyer tomorrow morning. I’ll update further with more information when I get everything together. I need a drink.
So, AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband’s ongoing pattern of infidelity, lies, and deeper hidden secrets (possibly financial or familial) with another woman?