My boyfriend (Let’s call him Jack) (31M) and I (27F) are having a baby in late May. Our parents were overjoyed with the news that I was pregnant. But Jack’s parents did ask when the wedding would be. (We never planned on getting married because of the baby. We have only been dating for 10 months.)
We just had a baby shower. We had decided to do a gender reveal. We were just gonna cut into a cake with either blue or pink in it and they were gonna have those little, disturbing, plastic babies in them.
The party happened two days ago, and before I say anything, I want to tell you that Jack has always been a mama’s boy, and that his mom is one of THOSE mom’s. You know the ones, pushy, overbearing on their son’s a little too much, self inviting into everything mom’s. So we’re at the party and I was unwrapping some gifts when I heard a squeal from the kitchen. Now, my sister is a baker and she has baked two cakes, a big one for our two big families, and a small ice cream cake for the surprise. We had put the ice cream cake in the freezer, IN THE GARAGE MIND YOU, in a sealed container that said, “Do not touch” Since Jack’s younger cousins are a bit sneaky and definitely take some of it if they could.
So everyone at the party was watching me and Jack unwrap gifts when we heard a loud squeal from the kitchen and Jack’s mom came running in with chocolate frosting and a vanilla dyed pink ice cream on her hands, screaming “IT’S A GIRL!” and runs to go hug Jack. I was a little confused so I got up to look in the kitchen, where our ice cream cake had been, messily cut into. The cake was pink and everyone was silent. I was not happy. I sat down, feeling rageful. I told everyone that it was lovely for them to come but that they had to leave because the party was ending. My Jack’s mom looked confused by everyone leaving. She asked where everyone was going and I said that the party was over. She tried to justify it by telling me some bull about how it wasn’t ruined and that we still needed to celebrate. Jack saw my face and told her that she had to go or else “The hormone monster was gonna come out.” When he came back he tried to justify her actions by saying that it was “just a cake, and that people find out in less romantic ways, then their future MIL tells them.” I asked him what he was talking about and then he got down on one knee and pulled out a ring.
That ring… I knew it must have cost a fortune, more than Jack could easily afford on his own in just 10 months of dating while preparing for a baby. His parents, his mom especially, had been pushing for a wedding, asking about it since we announced the pregnancy. It clicked: his mom’s ‘accident,’ ruining our carefully planned moment, wasn’t accidental at all. It was a calculated move to create a chaotic, high-pressure situation at the party to force Jack to propose immediately. She knew he had the ring, she knew her pushing was working, and maybe there was even some financial deadline or promise to his parents tied to him proposing during or right after the baby shower.
Before he said anything, I told him to go fuck off and that the could take the ring and stick it up his ass and stormed off into our bedroom.
I understand that it was a bit aggressive, but “Hormone monster,” and justifying why his mother ruined OUR surprise. It was clearly not the time. Now my phone’s blowing up from his side of the family telling me what a jerk and some other words that aren’t appropriate, even for reddit, for rejecting his proposal.
So I pose the question, Reddit, AITA for having an extreme reaction (telling him to stick it where the sun don’t shine) and storming off immediately after my boyfriend proposed to me, when the proposal happened right after his overbearing mother deliberately ruined our planned gender reveal surprise in what I now suspect was a calculated move to force his hand due to hidden financial or familial pressure related to the ring and proposal timing?