On November 27th, I asked my mom what the plan was for Thanksgiving, especially since it also fell on my little brother’s birthday. She told me she wasn’t planning anything, which wasn’t surprising—my family has never celebrated Thanksgiving or any holiday except Christmas.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend invited me to his family’s Thanksgiving so I could meet everyone. I double-checked with my mom to see if she was okay with me going, and she said she was. On Thanksgiving morning, I checked again to make sure she was still fine with me going, and she confirmed she was. Throughout the day, I kept her updated via text, telling her what I was doing. She showed no signs of being upset that I was gone.
I wished my little brother a happy birthday that morning and gave him his present. As usual, we didn’t do anything special—my family doesn’t really celebrate birthdays either. After saying good morning to everyone, my boyfriend picked me up, and we went to his family’s dinner. It was a great time, and his family was lovely.
When I got home, though, my mom was furious that I didn’t stay home. She hadn’t planned anything beyond sitting on the couch all day with her boyfriend, his kid, and my little brother, watching movies. I reminded her that she’d given me permission to go since there were no family plans, but she called me selfish and said my decision was unacceptable. After a heated argument, she grounded me for two weeks.
I don’t see how I’m the one in the wrong here, but I’m open to hearing others’ perspectives.
The Unexpected Twist: After the argument and the grounding, I talked to my little brother. He seemed upset and eventually blurted out something my mom had told him. It turns out, my mom’s boyfriend and his family always have very high expectations for holiday celebrations, and my mom often feels immense pressure to ‘perform’ a perfect holiday, or she feels inadequate compared to what they expect. This Thanksgiving, she had tried to do something different. She had told her boyfriend that she wanted a ‘really low-key, cozy’ Thanksgiving just with her own kids (me and my brother) and his child, to avoid all the pressure and judgment from his side of the family. She had envisioned a quiet, stress-free day where she could actually relax and enjoy time with us. When I was gone, even though she gave permission, it shattered that fragile, unspoken vision of a perfect, low-key Thanksgiving she had tried to create for her own small family unit. Her anger wasn’t about me going; it was about her feeling abandoned and having her quiet, personal attempt at a meaningful holiday ruined.