One of my (29M) best friends “Carla” (31f) is getting married soon. It’s only meant to be a small backyard type of wedding but they’ve been planning it for a few months now and originally it was supposed to be on my property. They wanted it because it’s private, has lots of open space for the reception, a nice view and the house could be used for them to get ready and stuff. Of course I said yes, she and her fiancé “Rick” were very happy. Thing is Carla and I do have a history. We went out on & off in college but decided to stay friends. Then I met my wife, we got married, Carla met Rick and now here they are.
Now my wife knows I went out with Carla back in college and she didn’t care. Carla still went to our wedding and everything. I never knew if Rick was told or not, it’s not my relationship therefore not my business to say anything so I never did. Rick found out recently and not in the best way. Not sure how but from what I heard from friends is that one mutual friend told him (no idea why) we used to date. Not only that but apparently Carla said a couple years ago she was still in love with me when she was already dating Rick. Don’t have actual confirmation if that’s exactly what he was told. All Carla’s told me is that Rick was told about our past and he’s angry at her for never saying anything.
It became quite a drama and didnt hear from her for over a month until now. She told me they’re going to couples counseling and that the wedding is still on. But Rick requested that I not attend. It sucks but I totally get why he wouldn’t be comfortable. Then I asked the obvious question, where are they going to hold the wedding then? To my surprise she said they still want it at our place.
Rick said so to and in my mind I’m going “he doesn’t want the guy who dated his fiancée years ago at the wedding, but still wants the wedding at his house.” My wife and I are expected to just…not be at our home that weekend, And I told Carla no. They’re going to have to find some place else since we’re not going to simply leave our home to them for the weekend. Not only for safety reasons but it just doesn’t make sense. Rick doesn’t want me around because he’s not comfortable but is comfortable enough to have their wedding at my house? They really want their wedding here though and because of that I’ve been bugged by not only her but also Rick and some friends who think I’m being a petty asshole for not letting them have the wedding here anymore. Honestly don’t think that I am, it just doesn’t make sense at all to have to leave our own place for a wedding we’re no longer welcome to and leaving our home totally vulnerable. Still, being accused of sabotaging their wedding and Rick believes it’s the least I can do after everything.
Rick’s comment, that this is the ‘least I can do after everything,’ also kept ringing in my ears. What ‘everything’? The college dating was years ago. Then I thought about how Rick found out. It wasn’t just that we used to date. The mutual friend who told him apparently framed it around Carla saying she was ‘still in love’ with me a couple years ago, when she was already dating Rick. I remember around that time, Carla and I had [describe a plausible innocent interaction that could be misinterpreted, e.g., a slightly too-long hug at a party, a private conversation where she was venting about Rick and I offered support, a moment of shared nostalgia]… Nothing ever happened, and I never thought anything of it, but maybe that mutual friend saw that moment, or Carla confided in them poorly, and that’s what was relayed to Rick. Rick isn’t just mad about ancient history; he’s mad about that specific incident a couple years ago, whatever version of it he was told, which made him doubt his relationship and caused him pain. He sees the free venue as compensation for that specific emotional turmoil I was tangentially involved in or that Carla (and I) supposedly caused. The demand for the free venue is retribution/compensation for that, not just the old dating.
I still feel my action was reasonable. Their request was illogical and put me and my wife at risk. But knowing now that Rick’s deep resentment stems from a specific, painful incident that he links to me (even indirectly) makes me see the situation is far more complex than I initially thought.
AITA for not letting my best friend and her fiancé have their wedding on my property after being uninvited, knowing now that the fiancé’s intense resentment and belief that he’s owed the free venue is likely compensation for a specific, painful incident involving my friend’s past feelings that he views me as tangentially responsible for?