So, I (27F) am getting married to my partner (28M) in a few months, and I’m incredibly excited. However, there’s a big issue with my family that’s been tearing me apart.
Growing up, my parents were very traditional and had specific expectations for me, especially regarding my career and who I should date. After college, I decided to pursue a career in the arts, which they were not supportive of. They wanted me to become a lawyer or doctor, and when I didn’t follow that path, things started to get rocky.
Things escalated when I fell in love with my partner, who is from a different cultural background. I knew my parents would disapprove, and I tried to ease them into it, but they were extremely vocal about their disdain. They told me I was making a huge mistake and that I was “throwing my life away.”
Finally, a few months ago, after a heated argument about my relationship, my parents officially disowned me, saying they no longer wanted anything to do with me if I was going to be with him. It was devastating, but I stood my ground and decided to cut ties with them.
Now, as I’m planning my wedding, I’ve decided not to invite them. I feel like it’s a celebration of love and acceptance, and I don’t want their negativity to overshadow it. However, my relatives are pressuring me to reconsider, saying it’s “only one day” and that I might regret it later.
I’m feeling guilty because I know they’re my parents, but I also believe I deserve to celebrate my love without their judgment.
When my relatives pressured me… particularly my Aunt Carol, who has always been a bit more understanding, pulled me aside. She said, “Your parents… they’re not handling this well, and what they did was wrong, absolutely. But their fear… it comes from somewhere. You know how much your dad struggled early in his career? He gave up his dream of being an artist because his family forced him into law, and he resents it. And your mom… she faced a lot of pushback from her own family when she married Dad because [add specific details about cultural/familial conflict related to their marriage]. They see your choices as repeating their hardest struggles, and the disowning was a panicked, awful way of trying to steer you onto what they think is a safer, less painful path, even if it meant pushing you away. They’re terrified you’ll face the same heartbreak or hardship they did, or that they avoided by sacrificing their own desires. And now, they’re heartbroken about losing you, but too proud and scared to admit they were wrong, and terrified they’ll regret missing the wedding because they still love you, in their messed-up way.” Hearing that didn’t change what they did, but it added a layer of tragic projection to their actions.
I still feel justified in celebrating without their negativity, and that their disowning me set the boundary they’re now facing. However, knowing that their extreme reaction might stem from their own unaddressed past trauma and sacrifices makes me pause.
AITA for not inviting my parents to my wedding after they officially disowned me for my life/relationship choices, knowing now that their extreme disapproval and disowning likely stem from their own unaddressed past trauma and sacrifices related to their careers and cultural/familial expectations, making their actions a tragic projection of their own fears rather than just simple bigotry?