My sister (27F) and I (18F) lost our dad a year ago. He was my only parent; mom was never in mine or my sister’s life. Dad left money (inheritance) for me and sister, and she used her inheritance to get new cars and renovate her house. I live with my aunt right now because my brother-in-law didn’t let me stay with my sister. I’m planning on using my inheritance money to pay for college tuition (I’ve always wanted to be a doctor but haven’t decided which branch yet). I’m taking a year gap.
My sister & I haven’t been close; it started after she got married to her chronically ill husband, who was allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his illness and make a scene at his funeral, only because he’s ill and shouldn’t be held accountable for his behavior. I’ve distanced myself, but my sister kept visiting a lot lately, venting about my brother-in-law’s condition. He’s been in & out the hospital for heart problems and in need of surgery. She brought up my inheritance money several times, but I end up cutting the conversation. She then straight up asked if I could help pay for her husband’s surgery, and she’d pay back in less than a year.
I felt uneasy because if I give her money from my inheritance, which is a large amount, then there’s no guarantee she’ll pay back before it’s time to apply for college. I know my sister can’t pay back that much, and I felt I was risking my future.
I refused to help, and she had a meltdown at my aunt’s house, calling me heartless, cruel, with no empathy. She said that her husband’s health should be a priority and I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone’s health, and asked if I’d be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father. My aunt suggested others pay, but most of them cut my sister and her husband off. I argued that her husband’s poor health isn’t my fault after she kept blaming and guilt-tripping me. She kept crying, and although my aunt decided to stay out of it, she said that I should be prepared for permanent damage in my relationship with my sister if I don’t help her now.
She’s been sending texts and pictures of her family, telling me this is what I was saying no to: a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father. I cried and felt like I was being selfish, not a good aunt and sister. I asked my friend, and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money, I’ll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.
I talked to my friend, explaining everything. He gave me good advice about the money. But later, something Aunt mentioned offhand, or a vague comment I remember Dad making about ‘bad hearts on his side,’ started connecting dots I never considered before. I did some digging, discreetly asking Aunt more questions about Dad’s health history that weren’t commonly known, and about my brother-in-law’s family history. It turns out his specific heart condition is one that can have a strong genetic link, and there were whispers years ago that Dad also had markers for it, or a close relative on his side did, but he always downplayed his own health issues. Aunt hinted that Dad and my brother-in-law had a massive, stress-fueled argument about [something related to money, family, or the sister] not long before Dad got really sick, and the stress might have triggered or worsened my brother-in-law’s condition. My sister’s sudden intense desperation and guilt-tripping about ‘saving a father’ feels different now; it’s tangled up with a potential accusation that Dad’s legacy (the inheritance) should fix a problem he might have ignored, passed on, or even contributed to.
My refusal now feels much more complex than just protecting my financial future from a spendthrift sister. I’m potentially navigating a hidden layer of family history, potential genetic links or past conflicts involving my dad, and whether the inheritance carries a hidden moral obligation due to these unspoken issues.
AITA for refusing to give a large portion of my inheritance money (needed for medical school) to my sister for her husband’s surgery, even though his critical health crisis might be tied to a hidden family health history or past conflict involving my deceased dad, which adds a layer of complexity to her desperate plea and my potential moral obligation?