Story:
I (30f) and my husband (30m) have been together for 14 years, married for 10. We have two kids, a 3-year-old and an 8-year-old. My husband has been jobless for the past 4 years. During that time, he’s almost always at home, lying in bed watching movies on his phone or playing games. I’ve been the one carrying the entire financial burden, from monthly bills to our children’s school fees. My job isn’t high-paying, so we’ve been struggling quite a bit.
This year, after much persuasion, my husband finally got a job and worked for nearly 4 months. However, he suddenly decided to quit. I had made it clear to him that I couldn’t continue to support everything on my own. I could only manage to provide for the children, and if he quit his job, I would leave him. He agreed to this, even arrogantly challenging me to go ahead and leave because he was definitely going to quit.
And so I did. I took the children and left, and I stopped contacting him. Since then, he has been constantly messaging me, asking if we’re really over, and complaining that he has no money and nothing to eat, asking for my help. My family supports my decision, saying that I did the right thing. But his family is criticizing me for being a terrible wife, abandoning my husband in his time of need.
To be honest, I’m exhausted. For years, I’ve repeatedly asked him to share the financial responsibilities with me, but we just kept arguing. I feel like I’m raising three children instead of two. So, am I the asshole (AITA) for leaving my husband because he quit his job after I warned him?
Aspects for readers to consider when making a judgment (based on AITA principles):
The wife’s actions: Issuing an ultimatum and following through when her husband didn’t comply.
The wife’s motivations: Exhaustion, prolonged financial strain, feeling of not having responsibilities shared.
The husband’s actions: Prolonged unemployment, apathetic attitude towards family responsibilities, decision to quit his job after knowing the consequences.
Family circumstances: Financial burden, the presence of two young children.
Viewpoints of both families: The difference in how the problem is perceived.
This story centers on the wife’s helplessness and exhaustion from single-handedly providing for the family for a long time, as well as the right to make decisions to protect herself and her children when all efforts to change the situation have been unsuccessful. It also raises questions about each person’s responsibility in a marriage and family.