My (23F) wedding was back on Saturday December 31st and I’m still getting backlash from this, so I want to know if this was an AH move.
In the country I live in it’s currently winter, and we get a fair amount of snow so my wedding was a winter themed wedding. The color theme was forest green and gold. My dress was obviously white, and I chose the color of my bridesmaids dresses to be forest green as well. My MOH”s dress was black, and everyone was to wear gold accessories.
I have this friend, we’ll call her Kat, that I asked to be one of my bridesmaids. When we went dress shopping and I told them the color theme I was going for, Kat immediately expressed that she thought forest green was a bad choice.
She said the thinks it’s not a flattering color, and thought I should choose something different and more “girly”. I said no because my wedding was winter themed and I thought the color would go perfect with the theme. She suggested a pink, blue even a red. I said no, but thanks’ for your opinion. She found out my MOH”s dress was black and asked if she could wear black too? I said no, only my MOH is wearing black.
I paid for all the dresses.
Fast forward to wedding day, everyone’s getting their hair and makeup done and Kat show’s up 30 minutes late holding a bag that looked like it had a dress inside. I asked her what this was for? She told me it was for later on at the reception if she got uncomfortable and wanted to change after pictures. I was like ok cool.
So fast forward we’re all dressed and walking down the stairs because the ceremony is beginning in 30 mins and we were going to take some pictures before. Kat is the last person to come down and she’s wearing a BLACK DRESS. At the time I was preoccupied taking pictures with my parents, but my MOH came over to me and made me aware of the situation.
I confronted Kat and asked her what was going on. She said she hates her bridesmaid dress, as the color is ugly and makes her look gross so she’s wearing black. I told her please go back and change. She refused and started walking away from me. I said I’m going to ask her one more time, and if she doesn’t oblige I’m calling security and kicking her out. She began yelling at me to fuck off, so I called security and asked them to please escort her out. She started making a BIG scene yelling how I’m such a bitch, that I can’t force her to wear anything and that I’m a horrible inconsiderate friend.
The wedding went on and it was truly amazing.
Ever since the wedding Kat has been blowing up my phone with texts saying some really nasty thing’s and asking for the money back she spent on the black dress, since it was a waste and she didn’t get to wear it. I had to block her number. Some of my other bridesmaids have been giving me shit saying that it was a little harsh kicking her out and embarrassing her like that. And that maybe I should give her the money back.
When I confronted Kat, she didn’t just say she hated the green dress. She also said something like, “You know why I have to wear black. You made a promise.” At the time, I was too angry and stressed to process it. It wasn’t until later, talking to one of the other bridesmaids who seemed less judgmental, that it clicked. She quietly said, “Remember that silly pact we all made back in college? The ‘mourning our single life’ black dress deal for the first one to get married?” My heart sank. We had made a drunken, half-serious pact years ago – the first of our core group to get married had to have the others wear black to the reception as a joke about losing their freedom/joining the married club. It was stupid, and I’d completely forgotten about it. Kat, apparently, hadn’t. And seeing the MOH in black, she must have twisted it into thinking the ‘black dress’ rule was a nod to that pact, but applied only to the MOH, making her feel excluded or like I was disrespecting our shared history. The black dress she brought was almost certainly the one she bought for that pact.
I still feel Kat’s actions were completely unacceptable and I was justified in being firm. But knowing now that her actions stemmed from a misunderstanding or misapplication of a past promise, and that I completely dismissed her comment in the heat of the moment, makes it more complicated.
AITA for kicking out my bridesmaid for showing up in a black dress instead of the required green one, knowing now that she claims she did it because of a years-old, forgotten “joke” pact in our friend group about wearing black to the first wedding, which she felt I dismissed or disrespected?