I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for a few years. Recently, we started talking about engagement rings and the whole conversation left me feeling pretty hurt.
For context, I grew up modest. I wasn’t exposed to a lot of luxury things. My boyfriend had a different upbringing and introduced me to a lot of that stuff — nicer holidays, brands, etc. I’m low maintenance and have never asked for expensive gifts.
When we discussed engagement rings, he mentioned that people in his circle were spending upwards of £7k–£8k on their fiancées’ rings. I did say, “but your friends are spending that much,” which maybe made him feel a certain way (I even followed up the next day and told him it didn’t matter).
He told me he feels like a loser for not being able to buy something expensive and then he said something that really hurt – that I “wouldn’t even know about this world” if it wasn’t for him. He also said “the old you would’ve been happy with a Pandora ring.”
It made me feel like because of my background… because I’m low maintenance, I’m supposed to just accept less? That I don’t deserve more?
And honestly, it made me wonder, if he were with someone from a wealthier background, would he be trying harder? Would his budget be different?
For the record, he capped his budget at around £2000, which is fine. I’m not expecting a £10k ring. But the “three months’ salary” rule of thumb people talk about? £2k isn’t even close for him. It’s not about the money for me. It’s about how it made me feel, like my background makes me worth less somehow.
Later he said he’s scared I’ll “change” now that I’ve seen more of the world but honestly, I’m still the same person.
I just didn’t expect to be made to feel small over something I never even demanded in the first place.
After the conversation, I’ve been giving him cold treatment and I’m considering asking for a break. I haven’t brought it up to him yet. He said that I hurt him by not being grateful when he said he wouldn’t be able to afford an expensive ring. I did tell him it doesn’t matter, but he seemed to expect some kind of “thank you” from me.