I (19f) have been with my boyfriend (22m and lets call him Jonah) for five years and we have a four year old “Anna”. He’s a good dad, don’t get me wrong. He loves our kid, plays with her, and helps out when it’s his turn for the most part. But sometimes, it feels like he just does what he wants and I’m the only one who actually has to be the responsible adult in this situation. Like, I don’t care that he still hangs out with his friends. I do too when I have the time and want him to have fun or whatever. But when they come over, they get way too rowdy.
They’ll be drinking, blasting music, smoking (weed, not cigarettes but still I don’t want that around my kid), and just being loud. I’ve told him a million times that’s not the kind of energy I want our daughter around, and he just acts like I’m being uptight. So when I know he’s having a “chill night” with them, I usually just take Anna to my parents’ house so she doesn’t have to deal with it.
This time, I was actually excited to get out of the house for another reason. My best friend’s birthday. She’s been talking about this specific cake for months; a chocolate cheesecake-stuffed sheet cake (which, btw, took me forever to get right) so we agreed I’d make it for her birthday. I was so happy with how it turned out.
Baking’s one of the few little things I got in between taking care of Anna and online school so I get really happy and proud about it when I get do it. Whether it’s just for fun or for someone else.
I spent hours making this cake. It was perfect. Before I left for my parents’ house, I made it very, very clear to my boyfriend: “Do not touch this cake. It’s for [friend].” He kinda laughed and went, “Yeah, okay, babe,” like I was being weird for even saying it.
I come back the next morning, go to grab the cake, and…half of it is gone. Like, a whole side of it just destroyed. I did have the thought maybe he would’ve cut himself a little piece (which would’ve still pissed me off but whatever), but no, his friends got into it too.
I asked him what the hell happened, and Jonah just shrugged and told me that they had the munchies. Like that was some kind of valid excuse. I was so mad. I told him I spent hours on it, that it was literally my best friend’s birthday cake, and that I had specifically told him not to touch it. And he had the audacity to go, “Babe, it’s just some cake, why are you acting like this?”
Like, I don’t know, maybe because I put so much effort into it and now I have nothing to bring to my friend’s party?? He kept going on about how I was “blowing shit out of proportion” and how I “could just make another one.”
As if I even have the time to do that and for it to be ready for the party.
We kept arguing about it until he rolled his eyes at me and told me if I was gonna act like that over cake then I could stay with my parents.
So yeah. He kicked me out.
I barely had time to grab my things and our daughter because he was practically shooing me out of the door, and leave.
Now I’m back at my parents’ house, feeling so stupid for even being surprised.
And of course, now Jonah’s texting me acting all confused like he never did anything. He’s saying, “I just needed space to cool down,” and “I didn’t mean for you to actually leave-leave.”
I felt pretty justified until my mom told me basically that I need to let things like this and not overreact so much over mistakes. My mom is usually right when she tells me things like this.
But then this happened:
Yesterday, I got a text from a random number. It was one of Jonah’s friends who was there that night. He apologized for eating the cake and said he felt really bad about it. But then, he said something that completely shocked me.
He said that Jonah had been bragging about “getting rid” of me and Anna. That he thought it was hilarious that I got so upset over “a stupid cake” and he didn’t expect that I would actually leave. He even said that Jonah and his friends had planned to eat the cake to “piss me off” because he thought I was being “too focused” on it.
I couldn’t believe it. I was devastated. I always knew that Jonah could be a bit thoughtless, but I never thought that he would intentionally hurt me like that.
I called my mom and told her everything. This time, she didn’t tell me that I was overreacting. Instead, she was furious. She told me that I deserved to be treated with more respect and that I shouldn’t go back to someone who treated me like that.
My mom suggested that I stay at her place for a while and think about what I wanted to do. She also suggested that I talk to a therapist to help me process my emotions.
I took my mom’s advice. I stayed at her place, started therapy, and spent time with my friends and family. I also decided to focus on my studies and find a part-time job so I could be more independent.
A few weeks went by, and I got a text from Jonah. He apologized and said that he missed me and Anna. He said that he had made a huge mistake and that he wanted us to come back.
But this time, I didn’t waver. I knew that I deserved better. I deserved to be with someone who respected me, appreciated me, and would never intentionally hurt me.
I told Jonah that I needed more time to think and that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get back together with him. But in my heart, I knew that I had made my decision. I wasn’t going back to him. I was going to move on with my life and find someone better.