I am a nurse practitioner and I am the primary care provider for a lot of the low risk maternity cases at the practice where I work. I also work hand in hand with the doctors and midwives to create a healthy maternity, birth, and postpartum situation.
My fiancee is completing her residency. We live together and have for a few years now. We aren’t in any hurry to get married. We originally had plans to do so a couple of years ago but then we got really busy for two years.
It is driving my very religious parents crazy that their youngest son is living in sin. I don’t really care. I’m an adult and I do what I want. We are getting married in June.
So we are visiting my parents for Christmas. The way it came together this year everyone is at my parents house. So that’s my folks, my three siblings, myself and fiancee, and seven grandchildren. So seventeen people.
At dinner my mom starts going on about how she is so glad that we are finally getting married and she won’t be embarrassed at church any more. And my dad says how proud he is of his three older kids who all either waited to get married before moving in together or got married right away after moving in together. My fiancee was getting embarrassed and I was getting mad over this stupid argument we have had too many times. And a family dinner was the last straw.
I have asked them repeatedly to just accept that they cannot control how I live my life. I refuse to stay with them when I visit even if I come alone. Hotels are just easier.
So I started talking about a premature baby I had been reading about. It was almost three months premature and weighed about 1.6 pounds. It was super strong and healthy for being born so little and the NICU had high hopes for the baby doing well.
Then, changing the subject abruptly, I said, “Speaking of premature births, I was thinking about [Oldest Brother’s Name]. You always told us he was born almost four months early, right? That must have been so difficult.” My mom and dad both got deer in the headlights looks on their faces.
I already know my brother was over 9 pounds and almost 23″ long when he was born. My grandmother told me the real story years ago, after the first time my parents tried to shame me about my living arrangements. She explained how they actually got married quickly because Mom was already well into her second trimester, and the ‘almost four months premature’ story was what they told everyone, including [Oldest Brother’s Name], to cover it up.
So I asked about my oldest brother… “Is there a chance that we could check out the family album where we keep all the records of family births and stuff? You know, see the actual birth certificate or hospital records? Just curious about that ‘almost four months premature’ story.”
The subject gets changed very fast. My parents were furious after supper. They said I had no right to bring up sensitive family history, especially their decision regarding their marriage date, and how dare I threaten to reveal something that could deeply hurt [Oldest Brother’s Name], who still believes the story they told him. They told me that I should not try to embarrass them with private things that are not my concern, and that I should not tell them how to behave in their own home.
I told them that if I heard anything about my living arrangements ever again for the rest of my life I would make sure to keep bringing up the FACT that my mom was in her second trimester when they got married, and how the whole ‘almost four months premature’ story was just a cover-up they told everyone, including [Oldest Brother’s Name], to hide it.
My parents are mad at me for telling them how to behave in their own home. But my fiancee is happy that they seem to be off the subject for good.
AITA for using the secret of my parents’ rushed marriage (because Mom was in her second trimester) and the decades-old lie they told my oldest brother about his “premature” birth to shut down their religious shaming of me and my fiancée at Christmas dinner?