My (43/F) husband (39/M) has been holding onto the fact that his lifelong best friend and his wife don’t want to be around me, and he’s known this for literal weeks. He said they told him that I’m “too much” and yet no one in all this time has said a word about it. A thing about me: I’m autistic. I have no inclination for subtleties, and I feel everything incredibly deeply. I am absolutely shattered. My husband is well aware of the fact that I don’t catch on to things unless they slap me in the face, and he kept this information from me and let me spend time with them knowing that they feel this way. I am livid and devastated (I see now this was a bit of an exaggeration. I was really really upset, though..) How am I supposed to get past this and forget? How do I trust that he isn’t holding things back from me all the time now?
Update: Husband and I are fine. I found out that the reason his friend never brought it up to me is because he “doesn’t know how” – apparently he was incredibly sheltered and introverted and only began coming out of his shell when he got married in his mid-30s. I can understand that, but even with my stunted abilities I find a way to say what’s on my mind, so I feel that’s a bit of a poor excuse. I don’t know.
These answer of user
He was trying to protect your feelings so you wouldn’t go off the deep end emotionally, just like you are doing right now. How about use your adult.words and ask them why they feel this way but be prepared you may not like the answer. Could you handle them telling you exactly why they don’t want to be around you or do you expect hubby to cut them out if they hurt your feelings. That’s probably what he’s thinking. You may feel things deeply and you may have autism but that doesn’t mean you get away with being an asshole to others. There is more to this as you haven’t explicitly said what they have said just… your too much. It’s his life long best friend and he doesn’t want to lose him.
I’m not supposed to know they said that. I don’t need him to protect my feelings, I need him to tell me when I’m doing something that he is aware I wouldn’t know that I’m doing wrong. If I don’t know I won’t know. I’m not an asshole.
A Decent man / woman in a relationship would be honest instead of trying to protect their feelings. Your comment honestly sounds rather condescending, “how about you use your adult words ” she has a right to be angry because her husband was dishonest and kept things that she should have been told from her. ” you may have autism bit that doesn’t mean you get away with being an asshole to others” that also sounds condescending. She has autism, as do I and saying that to an autistic person really Is kinda rude, it’s like your downplaying a portion of their life. Next time use your non condescending words x
YTA. If you “blow up” and act “livid and devastated” about too many different things, then people will learn to avoid triggering you.
Of course you have every right to feel strong emotions in the privacy of your own mind, but if you act out strong feelings in your behavior and attitude, then people will have their own feelings (such as displeasure) about your behavior.