I(17) think I might have to explain how I was born for context. My mom has two friends. I’ll call them ‘Amelia’ and ‘Jessica.’ Jessica’s husband cheated on her with Amelia, getting her pregnant, but Jessica forgave them. Then he cheated on her with my mom. Jessica still forgave him and forgave my mom, which makes me think she’s probably the most forgiving person on the planet.
Anyways, my mom insisted that Jessica’s husband is my father but he always denied it, up until several months ago when he realized how much we look alike. So he agreed to a DNA test. Turns out he is my father. So two affair children by two different women for him.
He has been visiting about once a month but things are still awkward between us. I was reading a romance novel when he told me I’m too young for those books and said I must stop reading them.
I told him I won’t but he said I have to listen to him since he is my father, so I said ‘No child support, no opinion.’ He seemed pretty stung by it. Was it too much?
Later, talking to my mom about it, she sighed. “Your father… and Jessica… it’s always been complicated. When Jessica forgave him, particularly after Amelia’s baby, the terms were strict. To save their marriage, he had to prove he was fully committed to their life, which meant completely denying paternity for any other children and providing no support. He chose to stay with Jessica and maintain his life with her. That’s why he always denied you and never gave your mother any help, even when she asked. His visits now… maybe Jessica is allowing them, or he feels some guilt now that you’re older and look like him. But the no child support part was a condition of his being forgiven and staying married to Jessica for all these years.” Hearing that didn’t make his past denial okay, or his sudden attempt to parent less annoying, but it added a layer to why he acted that way, and why ‘no child support’ is such a sore point for him.
I still believe I have the right to set boundaries, but knowing the reason behind his lack of support makes my comment hit a deeply sensitive spot related to his past choices.
AITA for telling my newly discovered biological father, who denied paternity for years and provides no child support, that he has “no opinion” on my life choices, knowing now that his past denial and lack of financial support were likely conditions imposed by his wife (who forgave his affairs) for him to remain in their marriage?