My gf (F29) and I (M32) have been together for three years, and I was planning to propose to her soon.
She is a very sweet person, and we never had any large arguments before. We listened to the same music, watched the same tv show, and even have the same food preference.
Yesterday, a mutual friend of ours came over to hang out, and started to talk about her ex returning to our town soon. This opened up a can of worms, in which my gf admitting that she still harbors feeling towards her ex and have been unable to move on from him. She mentioned that the reason that she dated me was that I was the guy she felt the most comfortable with, albeit that she didn’t feel anything romantic towards me.
For context, they broke up a couple of years before we dated as he was moving out of the country. She was the one who proposed that we should date. He never came back, and have never been in contact with any of us since then.
Afterwards, it felt awkward around my gf, especially knowing that she and I have different set of goals for this relationship, and I wanted to be break it off. I was about to do that, when she added something else about [Ex’s Name] returning. She mentioned that [Ex’s Name] is returning because [hint at difficulty, e.g., ‘his mother is ill and he’s coming back to care for her,’ or ‘he lost his job overseas and is starting over’]. It was like a casual detail added, but later when I thought back on everything… I realized that her dating me wasn’t just about being comfortable when she couldn’t get over her ex. Perhaps, it was a deliberate choice to have someone stable around, in case his return (which she seemed to anticipate or hope for) brought difficulties years later. Her request to continue as usual now isn’t just about maintaining her comfortable life; it’s about needing my support now to cope with the impending difficulties from the ex’s side.
She then asked me not to mind the fact and that she still wants to continue whatever we had before.
I felt unable to say “yes” to continue this relationship as usual.
AITA for not being able to say “yes” to continue this relationship as usual immediately after my girlfriend admitted she still has feelings for an ex who’s returning and only dated me for comfort, knowing that his return is apparently due to a difficult situation and she might have been seeking my stability specifically to cope with that potential crisis?